You know, there are very few times in life when I haven’t had something funny to say. When those rare times come around though, I like to think back on some of the things people have said to me, or things I have heard, or things I myself have said that are humorous and hope it relights the funny fire in me. It’s only Wednesday and this week has already become a giant suckfest. So, in order to try and see the bright side, and to revel a bit in happier times, I have compiled a list (actually it was all in an old journal so I guess it would be more fair to say a past version of me compiled this list a few years ago) I hope you get a laugh out of some of these quotes.
“Looks are 98% of everything.”
I’m not sure what the other 2% is but I think it’s probably gumption.
“Drinking makes us more inclined to recommend ourselves to strangers”
My freshman philosophy professor said this to me. Nietzsche just couldn’t compare.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but….your Mom is a slut!”
I don’t know who said this or how it made its way into my quotes journal. If it was me then I’m somehow proud. If it was someone else, then I’m somehow offended.
“Great, you killed me and now I have nothing to live for.”
My sister brings me joy.
“Why is a Backstreet Boys song applying to my life?? Is it time to kill myself already?”
This one is all me. And it was like they had been watching my life and then wrote a song about it. Of course, the song came out before it applied to my life….maybe they have a time machine. Those boy band guys did make a lot of money; I bet they could totally afford a time machine.
“Ah, the sun. Nature’s prozac.”
Another one of mine. Although I’m pretty sure I have heard my Mom say this as well. I should probably copyright some of this stuff.
“That is so unparallel, it’s perpendicular.”
I didn’t say this. I wish I had. But I’m not really that good at math.
“Oh! So you want to play Scientist? Why don’t you just ring a bell and see if I salivate all over myself?”
Courtesy of my Dad, a real-life scientist.
“Me- That guy looks weird.
My Sister- Uh, rude! He’s Canadian.
This happened. I don’t know what else to say about it.
“I don’t know what to say so I’ll just say what’s in my heart…baboom, baboom, baboom.”
My favorite quote of all time delivered by one Mr. Mel Brooks.
“Stripper poles and male strippers. What’s not retirement about that?”
I love senior adults.
“Way to bitch up the conversation Helen.”
Rev. Lovejoy on the Simpsons. It never fails to make me laugh.
And of course, the quote I need to focus on the most this week, and the one I try to live my life by- “The most wasted of all days, is one without laughter.” E.E. Cummings.
I hope you laughed today.