Wisdom, Courtesy of Me.

I’m just going to go ahead and say “You’re Welcome.” Because you guys will be thanking your lucky stars you read this blog. Oh wait, I guess in that case your lucky stars should say “you’re welcome.” But that totally sucks because I’m the one really helping you. Stars are so pretentious. Anyway, here is some wisdom.

Dreary day, bright lipstick. Or, if you are of the male persuasion- dreary day, bright shirt. Although that works for both sexes. I don’t really have one that applies only to males. Sorry males. Although, I’m sure you would look lovely in a bright shade of lipstick.

The Sun is nature’s prozac. Just be sure to put sunscreen on because skin cancer is nature’s punch in the face (or where ever you have skin cancer- really, you just don’t want to get punched anywhere).

Don’t repeat name date. Which means don’t date multiple people with the same name. This is just common sense.

Don’t step on a crack or it will break your Mama’s back. Let’s show a little love for our Mothers. One time, when my Mom was having surgery, I avoided stepping on cracks the entire day. It took me an obscene amount of time to get anywhere but the surgery went well and I think I deserve at least half of the credit for it.

Denial has been good to me. Honestly, it has. Although a part of me definitely recognizes that it isn’t healthy but then I just pretend that part of me doesn’t exist.

If you are reading a book, nothing can hurt you. Unless you are walking across a busy street at the same time because then that speeding car will definitely hurt you. Or if you are stuck in the wilderness surrounded by hungry bears- although, you know what? I bet they would really appreciate a nice story. So you probably won’t be hurt until you finish- then they are going to tear you apart.  Sorry, I should have been more specific about this one.

This isn’t all the wisdom I have but I don’t want to overwhelm you in one go. Let this wisdom sink in a bit. Think of yourself as a steak (which I bet is what those bears will think of you as) and this wisdom as marinade (which will make you taste better to the bears).

Also- This is good advice. And I love this movie. Um…Christian Bale in a muscial? Sold.

Any wisdom you would like to share? Seize the day. Like Christian Bale. Or like how those bears are going to seize you.

12 thoughts on “Wisdom, Courtesy of Me.

  1. “If you are reading a book, nothing can hurt you.” Hilarious, I often feel that way too. I get so lost in my book, it’s like the real world doesn’t exist!

  2. Actually, reading and walking is never a good idea, bears or no bears.

    And never, ever read well driving!!

  3. “It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it. “ – Sam Levenson

      • Not really, I like the things you say. It’s more pertinent to stupid people who like to use big words but don’t really know what they mean or how to spell them!

      • Thank you! Yes- it’s awful of me but there is nothing I like more than correcting a cocky person when they use a large word inappropriately.

  4. This is the best wisdom known to man: Don’t step on a crack or it will break your Mama’s back
    I have advised my kids and they don’t ever step on a crack.
    Unless they are mad at me or I don’t buy them a toy.
    They act like they are going to step on a crack and then I break into a quick sob and all it forgiven.

    • Haha! Kids are so fun. I can’t wait to impart my wisdom on some kids of my own someday. I hope I don’t mess them up too badly.

  5. how about Dreary Day, Bright Guyliner?

    And if you are reading a book, nothing can hurt you…unless the book was authored by Norman Mailer (tedium extremus) or Danielle Steele sucrose ad nauseum


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