As many of you know, I’m writing a book. It’s my first real dedicated effort in completing a book- I’ve written about 3 that didn’t make it to “The End.”, but this one is going the distance people! And I’m really excited. I can’t wait to get home and write and ideas are flowing. (Do ideas flow? People say that but I would say they pop. The ideas are popping out of me….yeah, I like that better. Or maybe bursting? Or exploding? Or raging? I don’t know, I can work that out later) Anyway, I’m writing a book. And my friends and family have been incredibly supportive. Especially Grammy. As evidenced in this exchange we had over lunch.

Grammy: What have you been up to? 

Me: Writing a lot. 

Grammy: That’s wonderful! If you need help proofreading just let me know. 

Me: Ok.

Grammy: Hey! I’m an excellent proofreader! I even used to proofread all the letters the handicapped children wrote when I worked at the hospital. 

Me: Are you saying that reading and proofing my book is going to be similar to reading and proofing the writings of a severely handicapped child? 

Grammy: I was good at it!

Me: You dodged my question a bit there. 

Grammy: Well…….(long insulting pause). What are you working on next?

Me: A book about you.

Grammy: Oh really!! (Claps hands)

Me: Yes. And it’s going to be hilarious. And maybe this conversation will be in it. 

Grammy: Well, I can proofread that too!

Me: No way. You will just black out all the parts that you think make you look bad. 

Grammy: Well……(another very long pause). I just wanted to help. (Insert pouty face)

Me: More rolls anyone? 

Oh Grammy. In her defense, she is an excellent speller. In fact, she frequently will spell words out to you just to prove she knows how to spell them. But, I just can’t get past the fact that she says “umble” instead of “humble” and “massatusetts” instead of “massachusetts” or that she emphasizes the “tos” when she asks for “cheetos” because then all I can think about are gnarly cheese covered people toes, and that’s gross. What I might do, just to appease her, is send her a dummy copy of my book that maybe has lots of spelling errors and also sometimes pictures instead of words and also lots of inappropriate sexual references. That would probably hold her over while my actual book is being proofread by people who don’t compare my writing to that of a severely handicapped child. Also, it will give me lots of ammunition for my Grammy book. I may be an evil genius.

24 thoughts on “Proofreading

    • Thank you so much! I’ll let you know if and when it will be available (fingers crossed)

  1. I want to read your book!! I can’t believe I am am actually going to know a real life author. You are doing something that I have wanted to do all my life. Write a book. I have been trying but I get stuck,

    • Well, I’m writing a book, but who knows if it will actually get published. Keep working on yours! Eventually you will get unstuck. :)

  2. I know this is weird, but I really like the editing phase of writing. Takes what I’ve vomited out (“flowing” sounds too majestic and pretty for my first draft process), and shapes, forms, cleans, rearranges until I can see something coherent and cool. It’s like finding good writing amidst your writing.

    • I think there is some good editing advice in that comment, but I’m distracted by wondering if my ideas are vomit……… :)

      • I have no doubt that your ideas float on sunlit, gossamer wings! My first drafts, though… if I think of it as just “get it on the page” and not try to make it perfect (which won’t happen) it’s rather freeing.

      • You better believe my ideas float on gossamer wings! :) I totally agree with you though, I love not filtering my writing and then going back and finding hidden gems.

  3. Your Grammy sounds like an amazing woman. She sounds a lot like my mother-in-law who passed away in 2004. After my own mom passed in 1991 and my father-in-law passed in ’92 I grew very close to her and did everything I could for her. She was very wise and backward at the same time, being one of nine children born and raised (or reared?) on a farm. She was predictably unpredictable and a real hoot to be around. I’ll be eagerly awaiting your book and keeping up with Grammy through your blog in the meantime. Keep ‘em coming!

    • She sounds like a wonderful woman! It’s lovely how much these fabulous women effect our lives. Thanks so much for reading!

  4. Very funny! You’re lucky to still have a grammy and your idea to ‘include’ her is brilliant.

  5. Hahahaha. Grandmothers rock!
    Great that you’re going the distance to finish this book. Have fun with it! :)

    • Thanks I am so far- which means the frustration must be coming soon. :)

  6. Grandma’s are fun. Mine was visiting me few months ago. She is getting rather old. I came home from work one day to find all of the eggs in the fridge washed with dish soap and wrapped in paper towels.

  7. great post, girl.
    best of luck writing (and of course, finishing) your book. you didn’t specify if it’s a novel, non-fiction, biography, porn, dime-novel, pulp-fiction, children’s or a “tell-all” book. just curious. f.y.i., i just finished my first novel, and my editor and i just made the “2nd pass”. i feel confident enough now to actually let people read it, and to send it to literary agents. if i pick up any wisdom in my search, i’ll certainly pass it along to you.
    again, good luck. regards to grammy. and for the record, for me, it’s best when the ideas flow…….

    • It’s humorous non-fiction. Congratulations on finishing your novel! It’s quite an accomplishment! And I would definitely appreciate any advice you have!

  8. lol… yep, evil genius! i think your book idea is perfect, and will be very funny :) I mean really, who doesn’t love your grammy?

    • Aww thanks! I’m so glad someone else thinks I’m an evil genius. :)


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