Flirtation Failure: The Art and Science of Flirting

Apparently, there are instructional videos for flirting. This is a REAL thing. And by real, I mean real freaking hilarious. Flirting, it’s an art and a science y’all. God bless YouTube.

So, if I’m to understand this absolutely genius video correctly, next time I see a guy I’m attracted to, I should approach him like this: “Hi. I have a positive attitude and a bright smile. This is light conversation. I don’t want to know too much about you. No deep conversations. I’m fiddling with my hair. I’m making you laugh. I’m staring you down. I’m intriguing. You’re fascinating. Do you find me fascinating? Your feet are pointing in my direction so I’m totally going to score with you. ( And by “score” I mean make sweet sweet random stranger love to you). Wink. I’m touching you, but not below the belt. That would be inappropriate.”

Who knew 8 steps was all it took to be successful at flirting? Why don’t they teach this in schools?? Man, our public education system is screwed up. I mean, how could they not teach me this? Finally, all is revealed! Wink, smile, eye contact. All these years I’ve been keeping my eyes shut and grimacing. So that’s what I was doing wrong. And never once, in all my flirting adventures did I stare a guy down while fiddling with my hair. I was sending all the wrong signals by you know, just having a good time. When you’re “on the hunt” you’re not supposed to be having fun, you’re supposed to be acquiring your target and then shooting him in the face or trapping him in a snare. I’m not really sure if that’s how it works, the hunting metaphor throws me off a little bit- it would seem that gun violence and nooses wouldn’t attract many men but, hey, what do I know, they’re the experts.

Long story short, I watched this video like 10 times because I was laughing so hard I kept missing some of the vital flirtation steps. You’re welcome dear readers, you’re welcome.

37 thoughts on “Flirtation Failure: The Art and Science of Flirting

  1. Pingback: How To Flirt | i am bittersweet

  2. So I guess me walking around touching guy’s crotch was a no, no?
    Crap I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.

    • I know! I would have thought they would appreciate a little crotch grabbing.

  3. You know you’re onto a winner when their introductory question is “Where are we anyway?”

    I’m confused though – how do I check if their feet are pointed towards me if I’m not breaking eye contact? Do I have to wait until they draw attention to their feet? Oh I hate science!

    I’m just glad us Australians are doing our part for the flirting world…

    • Hahaha! I totally thought of you about the tenth time I watched the video, I was like “Hmmm, I wonder if they teach this video in schools in Australia? I should ask OpenToAdventure.” :) Just another thing that makes me want to visit Australia.

      Also, I think you’re allowed to take a quick peek at their feet when they’re taking a sip of their drink or something.

      • Thanks for clearing up the peeking at the feet; I would’ve been lost!

        We never had anything like this when I was being educated – I had to learn by trial and (lots of) error… Maybe though, in this modern age, it’s being introduced.

        Australia would love to have you, GC; get on over here! :)

      • I would love to go! As soon as people start paying me ridiculous amounts of money to write funny things, I will be on the first plane out!

  4. ha ha, I can’t stop smiling & laughing at this video too, I feel like watching it over and over again until I have mastered it!
    Can’t say thank you enough hmmm I think I’ll have the video on my blog too and share it with other girls :)

  5. Very funny video. I have an older neighbour who likes to flirt, he comes over slowly to my yard to where I am sitting or doing yard work etc. shirtless (skinny), whisky or wine in hand, squints at me as he has had a stroke but still flirting all the same and wants to tell me the details of his day and tries to get me to do the same stuff he does (I hope he’s just being friendly)…he is at least 75 and married and won’t really give up despite my lack of enthusiasm…now that would make a funny video…..

    • That would make an AMAZING video. Please begin filming immediately.

  6. Very funny! And I agree, that girl was after a little something more than a peck. Okay, I will stop there…I was about to go somewhere amazeballs, but I’ll keep it G.

  7. Thank you! I especially enjoyed the feet-ometer of interest and not below the belt advice.

      • The feet-thing is actually true, according to body language experts. When the feet of the person you’re talking to (any person, really) are not pointing towards you, that person is most likely (subconsciously) wanting to get away. But I would not bet on that of course.

  8. But How can you play with your jewlrey if you don’t wear any? I would end up breaking my necklace and have to scramble for beads all over the bar floor. Which guys like, because they get to see you in the doggy position. And back to why I avoid jewelry in the first place. See my mental process??

    It’s so true about You Tube – you can wander across the most bizarre things.

    • Aww man, now I’m going to worry about what people are thinking every time I drop something on the floor and bend down to get it. ;)

  9. Wow!!! YouTube is a excellent teaching form. I bet you can find anything on there.
    How to blow your nose
    How to take a crap
    How to effectively clean out your ears
    How to put out a fire you started with the pasta started boiling and you tried to put it out with a towel and then the towel caught on fire

    Simply amazing.

    • I know. In fact, we should probably stop sending kids to school and just let them watch YouTube all day instead, they might learn more. ;)

  10. Wow. That was So. Amazing. (I’d say amazeballs, but my husband put the kibosh on that a week ago.) The sad part is I’d heard of the foot thing before and actually used to look for it!! Hmm. Maybe I’m in the wrong line of work… do you think they need anymore actresses?

    • Um, I would watch the remake of this video with you in it any day! It would be amzeba…..I mean, amazing. :)

  11. So THAT’s what I’ve been doing wrong! I always thought staring at a woman’s chest communicated a strong sense of warmth and respect…

    • I would have thought the same thing. This flirting thing is a lot more complicated than I thought.

  12. How could mankind ever survive without this video…
    Just wondering – does it perhaps come with a label “don’t try this at home”? I’m not sure how my husband would react if I started fiddling with my hair and jewelry; maybe his feet would turn backwards?
    Thanks for making me laugh :-)

    • Hahahaha! I don’t know if his feet would turn backwards, more likely he would just think you had gone round the bend.

  13. LOVE! This is right there with Bridget Jones. Actually, I think this is something Bridget would quite appreciate. :) And btw, you’re right about youtube. You can find anything there! It’s like Wikipedia as far as a plethora of information (and humor)!

    • YouTube pretty much made my day yesterday so I will be eternally grateful to it.

  14. LMAO.. ahahahaha…

    erm.. *ahem*….

    Hey there GotC, so like… where are we anyway? *SMILES WITH EYES*…

    Pretty sure i’d fail ;)

    • Oh, I am more than sure I would fail at this. But it would probably make a pretty funny blog post so I might try it….the things I do for funny….. :)

  15. i am laying down, drop dead, hysterical from this video. the girl is so great. she has a kind of a slutty “hunger” about her. i’m thinking if a pretty girl like that is on the prowl, she’d get laid in under 90 seconds. the rest is just “feathering”. too funny. and who knew about pointy feet?

    they teach calculus in school, which we never use again, but this stuff they skip over. that’s just wrong. LOL.

    and in ‘gay world’, you’re allowed to touch “below the belt”. as a matter of fact, that works better than winking and smiling……….

    you’re so funny……keep up the good work. i love your stuff.

    have you seen my latest about “cosmetic enhancement” and the lies they tell?

    • Thank you so much! I know, I can’t believe I had to take math but wasn’t even offered a class a flirting. I’m thinking about writing a letter to congress about it.


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