The Spice Girls Principle

The Spice Girls

Fellas, I’m about to lay some epic knowledge on you. This knowledge will change the game when it comes to your romantic conquests. You’re welcome. And by “welcome” I mean, welcome to send me cash and/or original poems written about my awesomeness.

So, I’m out at a bar for my friend’s bachelorette party dancing it up and singing all the lyrics to the stellar 70’s music the band was covering. I was partying like it was 1999 – for real, because much like when I was 14, I was dancing awkwardly and not drinking. Seriously people, try not to be jealous of my life. So, I’m dancing and singing with my lady friends when a cute guy walks up to my friend, puts his arm around her, and offers to buy us all shots. This is a classic move and one that I believe has an 87% success rate. But, we weren’t there to find ourselves a foxy man, we were there to celebrate the fact that one of our dearest friends had found herself a forever man, so, my friend says “If you’re going to buy anyone a shot, you should buy our friend over there a shot, she’s the one getting married.” He smiles politely, says “Sure thing.” and walks away. But he didn’t buy her a shot and by not doing that, he effectively lost his shot with any of the rest of us.

Why? You may be wondering. Or, you may be wondering why. The reason that cute guy lost his shot with all of us is because he ignored one of the fundamental principles of girls my age. And there is really no excuse for it because it’s stated quite clearly in a very popular song: “If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” I like to refer to this principle of dating as The Spice Girls Principle. Gentlemen, learn from this poor fellow- had he actually purchased our friend a shot in honor of her impending marriage, then my friends and I would have been more than happy to allow him to purchase us alcohol and he would have had his pick of the lot of us. Truth. Guys- we ladies like it when you show kindness and respect to our friends. Really. I mean, make it clear that you’re only romantically interested in us, but be friendly with our friends. If you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Ya dig?

Zigazig ha. Zigazig ha, indeed.

34 thoughts on “The Spice Girls Principle

  1. How had I not read this before? What a wonderful scientific breakthrough you’ve had, GotC :) I’m so proud. Spice Girls for life.

    • Thanks! I’m pretty proud of all the “science” that went into it.

    • Really, all the thanks should go to The Spice Girls but I’m happy to take it. :)

  2. haha! Enjoyed the post and the following comments. So much wisdom in those 90s songs.

    • Indeed. I shudder to think what barbarians we would be without its civilizing messages. ;)

  3. For me it just tells you something about that guy’s general nature. He was willing to spend his money when he thought he maybe might could get some as a result. That’s an investment. But buy the bride a drink? Where’s the payoff in that? If only he understood how attractive nice is to us girls of a certain age.

  4. You ALWAYS make me Laugh. Out. Loud!

    I think I’ve tapped out Hanson, but I know I have so much more to learn from The Spice Girls.

  5. maybe things go differently in my country.. but when a girl gets attention from a guy..she likes to keep it.. even if this guy isn’t that cool with her friends.. ACTUALLY..that could be a plus for most of them.. something like ” he only liked ME!!aww!”.. and if u dare comment that the boyfriend was rude to u.. that must only mean that u r jealous.. and u want “special”= “inappropriately special” treatment from the guy..which also means that u r trying to steal him from her.. and if you’re God-forbid single.. that MUST mean u r just bitter and lonely..and can’t have it that ur friend got herself a “good” guy..
    sigh*..nice to know that girls stick together in other places in the world.. but the spice girls rule def. doesn’t work over here!

    • Girls can definitely be hostile sometimes but I could never date someone my friends didn’t get along with. I want everyone to be able to hang out together without it being awkward. I just want everyone to get along. :)

  6. When you say ‘get with my friends’ do you mean have sex? Cause for some reason that’s my definition of ‘getting’ with someone. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that.

    • Nope- I always thought it meant “get along with”. Why would you want someone you’re interested in to have sex with your friends? I really hope I was right about what that song means because otherwise this blog post is kind of ridiculous…. :)

  7. As a member of the Spice Girl fan club I have to say this was awesomely written.
    People don’t realize the Spice Girls were full of lots on insight!!
    Examples: I need a man, not a boy who thinks he can.
    2 become 1
    If you want my future forget my past
    If you wanna get with me better make it fast
    I mean an endless supply of knowledge!!

  8. A simple truth… you don’t buy a house unless you like the neighborhood.

    “The awesomeness of
    Be A Lifehacker,
    is not a woman dancing
    by herself awkwardly,

    but a woman dancing
    with Alan Alda…

  9. I never liked that song. Honestly – I always thought it peculiar to ask a guy to get with my friends. Usually I tried to avoid that. But now that you have written this post, I have a new respect for the song, and seems I like it a lot more than I did back in the day (where I was not… the spice girls I think owe you some gratitude. And maybe money. At least a nice pair of footwear.

    • It would be amazing if they paid me in money but I would happily accept shoes as well. :)

  10. The amature was penny-wise and pound-foolish.

    A Haiku to Your Awesomeness…

    Think she’s cool by accident?
    How very dare you.
    Be A Lifehacker Rocks.


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