Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Whenever I see pictures of all the actresses and models I’m “supposed” to look like, or when I hear other women comparing themselves physically to those actresses and models, I like to remind everyone that those actresses and models are probably on diets just like us. And also, I bet all the dieting they do all the time has really made them have horrendous smelling farts.

For examples, I frequently wish I looked like Miranda Kerr.

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Then, I stop myself from wishing because I bet all the kale she eats make her farts smell like rotting grass and grim reaper B.O.

Farts are the great equalizer.

** Please note, I have no idea if Miranda Kerr eats a lot of kale and while I’m sure she farts (because otherwise she would be dead, right?) I can’t say definitively what they smell like. But I bet it’s bad.

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34 thoughts on “Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

  1. That does actually make me feel better, knowing that farts make us all the same. And I don’t eat kale, so that actually makes me better than Miranda Kerr. At least in that regard.

    Reply
  2. In an interview with British Vogue, Miranda Kerr relates her grandma’s wise words: “Men are very visual, don’t forget that. So every day, put a little make-up on, wear some nice underwear, and you’ll keep your husband.”
    My guess is that Miranda Kerr is just as unhappy with her appearance as everybody else. Or even more so.

    http://www.vogue.co.uk/news/2012/12/05/miranda-kerr-seduction-techniques—grandmothers-advice

    Reply
  3. But she sure loves herself. And she’s flexible. Do you see how she’s holding herself with her right hand? Wrapped around her back? She couldn’t do that without dieting. :)

    Reply
  4. “Willow: The smell will lead us to the potential.
    Xander: Or some poor soul who ate too many chimichangas. “

    Reply
  5. gosh.

    who knew kale was so lethal.

    you.

    that’s who.

    and that’s why we need you (oops, that was the post before – double-duty-comment-alert!)

    love. your. blog.

    *wavingfromlosangeles*

    Reply
      • oh that’s lovely.

        we’ve not had love from TX for a while…..

        magnificent/

  6. Models and actresses can also afford personal trainers and chefs to make whatever kale infused healthy meal they want :)

    Reply
  7. and while we’re on the couch drinking wine and eating doritos, she’s probably on a treadmill. sucker.

    Reply
  8. lmao. Also, it’s really unfair for us to compare ourselves to these models because most of their photos are warped by photoshop. Its unrealistic. I say just aim for healthy and happy! Happy people are always the most beautiful people.

    Reply
  9. If you eat a lot of cereal, or high fiber grains, like oats, your farts are much less smelly. If you eat too much meat, and not enough roughage, they smell worse.

    Reply
  10. It never ceases to amaze me that the best foods for you can just wreak total havoc on your system. Like, cucumbers. Cucumbers! They’re nothing! They’re like crunchy water! C’mon, Mother Nature. Really? Aren’t you supposed to reward me for eating this sh*t?

    Reply
    • Seriously. It’s like, sure cucumbers will help make your skin beautiful but you will smell awful…

      Reply
  11. I love your blog, it always makes me laugh. :)

    I agree. Farts are the great equalizer. Sometimes when I’m standing in line and the person behind me is impatient and being rude I just fart so they have to stop speaking and I don’t have to hear horrible words that give me a headache. But then I have no sense of smell so only they suffer and not myself. Which maybe isn’t fair, but I also don’t think it’s fair people think they can be verbally horrible and expect me to listen.

    Reply
  12. The good thing is in all likelihood her farts smell as bad as yours and mine. We’re all equal :-)

    Reply

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