Last Friday night, I accidentally drank sour milk. The hows and whys aren’t important (because they make me look stupid) but it happened and it was awful.
I mean, at first it was just the taste and the idea that I had imbibed sour milk that was upsetting, but after about 2 hours it was the feeling of my guts declaring war on me that was truly horrific.
The next several hours were….. gory. At one point, I was so defeated that I made sure Captain Thoughtful knew what to put on my tombstone.
There Is No Be A Lifehacker – Only Zuul
May 1985- June 2015
She Drank Sour Milk
Please let my unpleasant Friday night serve as a warning to you all – check your milks best by date before you drink it.
Regardless of the outcome of an encounter with a girl scout, I am left feeling good and guilty. If I buy cookies, I feel good because I made those little girls so happy and guilty because I am completely giving in to cookie temptation. If I don’t buy cookies, I feel good for resisting delicious sugary carbs and guilty because the looks on the girls faces when I say “No, thank you” makes me feel like I just ripped to shreds their favorite book. There is no winning during girl scout cookie season. Next year, I think I will just stay inside and hide until it’s all over and I can run errands without the emotional roller-coaster.
And now I feel sort of guilty for writing this post, so as a sign of goodwill, I will give all the girl scouts a good tip: If you see me next year and I say “no” to the cookies, maybe cry a little bit because then I will buy ALL your cookies and probably also start a college fund for you.
My kingdom for a Torchy’s Taco. And queso.
I wish I could think of something more clever to say, but holy hell y’all, delicious tacos and queso is all I can think about. So much so, that a 12 hour drive to Torchy’s seems like a completely reasonable dinner plan.
I’m a bit concerned that I asked all my Twitter followers where I could find a good place for breakfast tacos in Lincoln, NE and no one responded.
There *are* good place for breakfast tacos in Lincoln, right?!!!
Oh my gosh y’all, right??!!!
Did you know some fast food restaurants have actual people that walk out to take orders from cars in the drive thru line? Like, when the line is long, they send real actual people to take your order.
I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
Do you think I want to have to look someone in the eye when I’m ordering well more than my fair share of junk food? Spoiler alert – I don’t. It makes me order less food, which is awesome for my waistline but pretty sucky for your bottom line fast food managers. So put a stop to it. Now.
Me: We need to be eating healthier. For real.
Cap’n: You’re right. We will.
24 hours later
Me: Any thoughts on dinner?
Cap’n: I bought pizza.
There are a lot of tourists from around the world in Austin this week for SXSW. For the most part, I find them equal parts annoying and entertaining because “Yay! Welcome to the place I love” and “Boo. Traffic is terrible and all of the restaurants downtown raise their prices.”
I was picking up a few things to make dinner at Whole Foods last night when a very pleasant Irish woman approached me and asked me if I could explain to her what queso was. She was under the impression that it was “just cheese”. I smiled my queso loving smile and proceeded to explain to her in minute detail the glory that is queso and how it has spices and tomatoes and chilies and onions in it and how it would CHANGE HER LIFE. Then, I insisted she try some with some freshly made tortilla chips. She did and I could see that, in fact, it had changed her life. She bought a very large to-go container of it and thanked me profusely.
Terrible traffic seems a small price to pay to share my love of queso. That is what SXSW has taught me this year.