Appropriate Pedicure Behavior

Pedicure

I had a pedicure today. It was wonderful- except for the part where the other people in the nail salon were behaving inappropriately. This made it clear to me that I must, must, compile a list of pedicure etiquette. Because ya’ll have bad manners. Really bad manners.

1. Do not speak on your telephone when there are other people in the chairs next to you. I don’t care about your life. Actually, I do care about your life, just not when I am getting a pedicure. When I am getting a pedicure I want to relax. I don’t want to hear about your stressful week. I had a stressful week as well- which is why I am getting a pedicure, duh. Zip it, please. Seriously. Zip it.

2. I love kids. I really do. When I am getting a pedicure, however, and they are running around the nail salon and stealing my nail color, and yelling/crying, I don’t love kids. I want them to go away and I want my bright pink nail polish back. Right now.

3. Don’t be rude to your pedicurist. If you want something adjusted then ask politely- don’t be a pompous ass- as if you know you could do it better. You couldn’t. Be nice. It’s just common human decency. Common human decency is when you don’t say things like “Listen, I don’t know what country you went to nail school in, but here in America, we don’t tear people’s feet up.”  That statement is the opposite of common human decency.

4. If your feet are funky tip your pedicurist extra. This also falls under common human decency.

5. Usually there are TVs on. Usually they are on some type of news channel.  This does not mean I want to talk politics with you. I don’t want to talk about politics with you. I didn’t choose the channel. If it were up to me, the TVs would be showing Audrey Hepburn movies. It isn’t up to me though so they are all on news stations. Please read the ticker to yourself and voice your thoughts at a later place and time. I mean it, I do not want to talk about politics while I am having a heavenly foot massage. Also, why do you?

6. That pale yellow polish just makes it look like you have toe fungus. Accept that.

That is all I’ve got right now. Do you need more? I think I pretty much covered it, though if anyone else has any other pedicure etiquette tips please feel free to share. Pedicures are about relaxation and proper foot care. Enjoy pedicures and let those around you enjoy theirs. That’s all.

A Short Letter

Dear Republicans,
I am very sorry that you are so upset about Healthcare, however, this is the first time since I have started voting that a bill I actually like and suport was passed. You had 8 uninterrupted years of the legislation you like- and though I disagreed with most of it I accepted that that was what was happening in American politics at the time and continued to vote my beliefs at the polls until finally in 2008 it paid off. Perhaps you don’t understand the way politics in America work-  it goes in cycles. You had your time, now it’s mine, and I’m sure yours will come again, and then mine will come again. The United States has been alternating parties in power since it’s inception. Trust me, I understand your feelings- when we went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan I was so angry I felt like I didn’t want to be a part of the country I was a citizen of. I was so appalled. That seems to be the way you are feeling now, and I am sorry because that is an awful way to feel about your country. However, I haven’t felt so in-tune with my country in a long time. Finally, I feel like something I have been championing for so long has come to pass. Not necessarily as I would have liked it- I certainly would be more excited about a more radical bill but nonetheless, this is what I have been waiting for.  So, while I am truly sorry that you seem not to care a wit about human rights and are therefore very upset that  America is actually acknowledging some for once, calm down and vote the next time you have a chance- please stop throwing a tantrum because you didn’t get your way this time. All I ask is that you act like mature grown-ups and not extremists. Honestly some of the things I have heard you say today have scared me more than any terrorist ever has. I’m sure it’s just your emotion talking and that you don’t mean to sound so violent. I know it’s probably too much to ask that you let me enjoy this but I will ask that you conduct yourselves according to the rules of common human decency, just as I did for the 8 years I was on the losing end of the legislation.

Thank you.

Posted in Life Tagged , democrats, extremists, healthcare, political cycles, politics, republicans