The Most Important Part Of A Diet Is Your Workout Playlist.

I think we can all agree that the most important part of any diet/exercise regime is the workout playlist. I mean, the wrong song can literally RUIN YOUR DIET. So, as I re-focus on my health by eating better and working out more, my primary concern is my workout playlist. Currently, it looks like this:

Bangarang – Skrillex

Let’s Have A Kiki – Scissor Sisters

Run The World (Girls) – Beyonce

Pretty Girl Rock – Keri Hilson

Funky Cold Medina – Tone Loc

Whip My Hair – Willow Smith

We No Speak Americano – Yolanda Be Cool

Jump – Kris Kros

Roar – Katy Perry

MotownPhilly – Boyz II Men

Work B**ch – Britney Spears

The Breaks – Kurtis Blow

Bom Bom – Sam and the Womp

Hey Ya- OutKast

Now, I’m pretty happy with this playlist….for now, but I’m pretty sure after a couple weeks, it’s going to get old. So, I’m turning to you, my darling lifehackers, for suggestions. What’s your favorite workout songs?

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Day 1 of the Betty Rocker 30 Day Challenge was yesterday and I made it through! Yay! That’s like, half the battle, right?

I prepared for this challenge the way any true champion would, I had a weekend of french fries, nachos, and pizza. Because I’m a winner. Now, it’s all clean eating and planks and lunges and push-ups and also jello. Jello, as in, my arms and legs are apparently now made of it. One day of this and my bones feel liquified. Which means it’s working I think. 29 days to go y’all! We can do this thing!

In other news, I’m going to Ohio until next Tuesday so posts are going to be hiding under an invisibility cloak this week. Prepare yourselves for a full recount of Ohio shenanigans when I return. And for the record (that I assume elves are keeping) I will still be doing the Betty Rocker challenge in Ohio. While I’m on vacation. In Ohio. I should get a medal or something.

 

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Remember how I’m on a diet? Yeah, I forgot too.

BUT- a recent picture of me next to a friend made me remember. Mostly because I looked like the giant fat roll monster who was about to eat her for a snack. So, I recently registered for the Betty Rocker 30-day Challenge.

First of all, her nickname is Betty Rocker. She had me at hello.

Second of all, in one of her other videos, Betty Rocker has the Captain America shield in her kitchen. Obviously, this is a woman I can trust.

 

What do you say? Want to do this with me? It’s free….and also BETTY ROCKER Y’ALL.

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Whenever I see pictures of all the actresses and models I’m “supposed” to look like, or when I hear other women comparing themselves physically to those actresses and models, I like to remind everyone that those actresses and models are probably on diets just like us. And also, I bet all the dieting they do all the time has really made them have horrendous smelling farts.

For examples, I frequently wish I looked like Miranda Kerr.

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Then, I stop myself from wishing because I bet all the kale she eats make her farts smell like rotting grass and grim reaper B.O.

Farts are the great equalizer.

** Please note, I have no idea if Miranda Kerr eats a lot of kale and while I’m sure she farts (because otherwise she would be dead, right?) I can’t say definitively what they smell like. But I bet it’s bad.

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet.

Last Thursday driving to work, I had to follow this for about 10 miles

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It’s a gyro truck. Basically, I was drooling all over myself by the time I got to work, even though it was in the morning and then all I could think about was gyros all day.

Someone, or something is mocking this diet of mine.

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Something MAJOR happened this weekend y’all.

I TURNED DOWN COTTON CANDY.

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For the very first time in my life, I “just said no” to my personal drug of choice, cotton candy. So, I’m expecting a call of congratulations from Nancy Reagan any day now and also some sort of award named after me at my old elementary school where I passed the D.A.R.E. program with flying colors, I even got a sticker.

Nevertheless, I turned down Cotton Candy. Multiple people offered to buy me some and I still said no. NO.

What’s happening to me?

I’m scared y’all.

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet.

Someone told me (or I read it somewhere, or most likely I’m making this up) that in order for your diet to be successful, you need to set a goal. Obviously, my first thought was “My goal should be to convince Spielberg not to make any more dinosaur or alien movies.” but I feel like that would turn into less of a diet and more of a hunger strike. So, I went with my second choice goal, which is, to get back in primo jazz hands shape.

You may have noticed a distinct lack of jazz hands pics lately, and that is because I’m not longer in jazz hands shape. The jazz hands, they just aren’t all that jazzy enough anymore. But that is about to change. I can feel the power of the jazz hands returning with every ounce I lose and soon enough the jazz hands will return y’all. Oh yes. The jazz hands cometh.

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In the meantime, I’ve chosen my favorite and most effective diet tips to share. Because sharing is caring.

1. Don’t like that super healthy meal you’re eating? Pour hot sauce on it. Either siracha or tabasco or some other preferred hot sauce. Lots of flavor, lots of spice. Also, I heard chilis help you lose weight or make your skin glow or cleanse your pores or something. Hot sauce for everyone!

Ok, so I guess tips was a bit of a misnomer. I really just have the one. And also, it might be more about my love of all things spicy than an actual diet tip.

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet.

Did you know that just because a pizza has fancy ingredients on it doesn’t mean it’s healthy??!!!

Because that was a nasty shock to me.

I mean, if arugula, spinach, and goat cheese can’t make a pizza healthy, well then, friends I’m sorry to say pizza just can’t be healthy. Ever.

It’s a sad day for everyone. Feel free to take the day off work, go home, and mourn your loss. Tell your boss you have my permission, just be like really cool and confident about it and it will work. Probably.

 

 

Be A Lifehacker- On A Diet

Well friends, I’m a spectacular failure at being on a diet. (See how I put a positive word next to a negative one there? It was some trickery. Also, made me feel slightly better about the failure bit.)

Here is what my brain trying to convince itself to eat better/less sounds like…

Brain: I’m going to eat a salad for lunch with lots of yummy veggies! Yay! 

Gollum Brain: Salads? Yes, salads are good but what it wants is the precious Tex-Mex. Enchiladases and chipses and salsases. 

Brain: No! To lose the weight I need to eat better food.

Gollum Brain: Shut up! Shut up! Where would we be without the most deliciouses precious? BBQ is what’s needed for the hungries. 

Brain: Apples!

Gollum Brain: Donuts!

Brain: Mango!

Gollum Brain: Actually, mangos are yummers. Eat those. AND THEN EAT CAKE. 

Brain: No! We won’t do it! We won’t. 

Gollum Brain: Oh yes we wills unless we want to get hangry (side note- that’s when you’re so hungry that you’re angry). 

Brain: No! Not hangry. We have to be nice at work. 

Gollum Brain: Then eat the french fries precious and be nice. 

Yeah. That’s a real thing.