Sometimes Blogging Hurts My Feelings

Crying Woman

She poured her heart and soul into her blog. Alas, no one visited.

This is what I look like on days with low visits. It hurts me, it really does. Am I being overly sensitive and dramatic? No. You are being overly sensitive and dramatic- now leave me alone! (Flees room crying and slams the door).

Please stay. I’m sorry I cried and yelled and slammed the door. That was very wrong of me indeed. I just got caught up in the emotion. Heat of the moment and all that. Deep breaths. Ok? Now let’s blog.

I don’t know why I want people to read this blog. I really don’t. I’m not sure what I think I’m going to get out of it. All I know is that I absolutely adore writing it. It brings me great joy and fulfillment. I like laughing and I love making other people laugh. I like sharing my bizarre short stories and not so good poetry. Also, I really like for lots of people to read it. Like a lot. I don’t know why that matters. It just does.

Blogging is like crack. And if lots of people read your blog then that makes your blog like the most expensive kind of crack. And you totally get hooked on it, and then all of a sudden you don’t get any views and it sends you into detox. And I don’t want to detox from blogging, ok people?! Stop trying to send me into blogging detox by not reading my blog. I like my blog addiction. Please make it sweeter by visiting my blog lots and lots. The more you do, the funnier I will try to be. And I can be pretty funny when I try.

I don’t want to sound desperate. But I am. I am desperate for more blog readers. I am also very self-aware. So, if you like self-aware humor then you should read this blog. If you like desperation, you should read this blog. If you are male, you should read this blog. If you are female, you should read this blog. If you are a robot, you should read this blog. Please read my blog- 0therwise my feelings will get hurt. And when my feelings get hurt, I’m not so funny. Actually, I’m funnier- but that is beside the point.

Just read my blog. Ok? Please? Thank you. Really, thank you for reading!

Facebook Quitter?!

One of the most frequently searched terms for my blog is “Facebook quitter.” Really people? Who is googling that? In other breaking news, the search term ” Facebook quitter” has now taken over “female domination” as the most popular search that leads people to my blog.

There is just something so negative in that search. Like they are saying “Ohhh, look at the little baby who couldn’t hang with facebook anymore. She took all her personal information and cried all the way home. Boo hoo little facebook quitter.” (Say this to yourself in a sarcastic baby voice and you will realize how aggressive this search term is). Or maybe I’m reading too much into it. But I’m pretty sure that is what they mean.

Also, I’m still confused why people are searching for “facebook quitters” on google. Do they want to join the movement? The Facebook quitting movement I didn’t know I was a part of?  Why is quitting Facebook bad? Or is it good? I am truly befuddled by this. In fact, I think I should probably dedicate the rest of my work day into delving into this issue and sorting it out. Or I should do my job and work. It’s up in the air right now.

Anyway, just to be clear- (because I googled this myself and people were all in all pretty mean about Facebook quitters- and also there were a lot of results in French which I think means France wholeheartedly supports my leaving of Facebook which means the rest of America hates me because I have apparently allied myself with the French)- I was on Facebook for many years and I always liked it and though I felt like they violated my privacy a little too often I would just adjust my settings and go on my happy Facebook way. I liked being reminded of my friends birthdays, and seeing everyones pictures, and posting silly things on people’s wall. Over time, however, it became very un-fun for me. And if there is one thing I do quit it’s things that are un-fun. Believe it or not (I’m sure you don’t believe it) I have a very low tolerance for drama. I don’t like or enjoy it. Enter drama, exit me. Unless it’s really something worth fighting for and, I’m sorry if this offends you, but I don’t think Facebook is worth fighting for. At least not in my life.

To sum up- I didn’t quit Facebook. I freed myself from drama (and prying eyes). If you love Facebook then please, by all means, continue to love it and know that in no way are you being judged by me (unless you are a creepster using Facebook to perpetrate creepiness- then I am probably judging you).

Or if you insist, I totally quit Facebook to start a worldwide union of Facebook Quitters (note: only use this explanation if there ever really is a worldwide union for Facebook Quitters- and then make sure you give me all the credit for it, but only if people like it. If people hate it then it was totally your idea).

If you aren’t sure why people would quit Facebook and you don’t mind your world being rocked by truth then check out this really solid explanation of reasons for quitting the book-of-face. Somewhere in there is the reason I quit. I will let you guess which reason that is.

Posted in Discoveries, Random Tagged , , facebook lovers, facebook quitter, female domination, France, freedom from drama, google, mean, negativity, privacy, sarcasm, union,

How To Tell Your Friend Her Boyfriend Is A Douche

It seems like I have so many friends right now who have other friends who have boyfriends that are complete douche canoes. Some of these guys keep promising marriage proposals and then putting them off until the next year, or until they graduate from underwater basket weaving school, or until their brothers/sisters get married first, or until Jesus comes back (because Heaven is really the best place to have a wedding). Other guys berate and turn otherwise strong intelligent women into weeping masses of “He didn’t mean it.” and “I know he loves me despite that fact he just called me a stupid cow.” Others are just controlling, manipulative, charming, smooth talkers who can finesse their way out of any lie and make their girlfriends apologize for catching them lying. What has happened to these women? These beautiful, wise, witty, brave, compassionate, brilliant women who we became friends with years ago because they were so unarguably fabulous? Where are our friends of yesteryear? I don’t know. I truly don’t. But I can’t tell you how much I wish I did.

I know we as the friends are getting more and more tired of the drama and tears. We all want to be good friends but their tumultuous relationships are emotionally draining to us as well. We are exhausted from giving really quality advice and then having it ignored and then the same problem happening over and over again. We are heartbroken and frustrated to see these formerly amazing women reduced to being someone’s pathetic girlfriend. And they are pathetic- and that kills me to say. Why aren’t they listening? What can they possibly be gaining from this toxic relationship?

I also know that we must absolutely stick by them through this. Even if we are throughly sick of it. If we are their friends, their best friends, we have to be there for them no matter what as long as they let us. No matter how much we loathe their boyfriends very existence and want to take a time machine back to the day of his conception and make sure his Mother remembers to take her birth control- we have to support her. Even though I’m sure we would feel a lot better if we could just take a sledgehammer to his crotch, we have to refrain (and if you do end up doing that please don’t say you got the idea from me). We don’t have to keep our mouths shut though. We just have to be delicate about the way we approach the subject of her boyfriend being a douche. Although, we probably shouldn’t call him a douche in front of her. We can, however, mention the changes we have seen in her and the way we worry because she doesn’t seem as happy as she did before. These are valid feelings. She needs to know we have them. We shouldn’t feel like we have a gag order on us just because she is dating an awful person. We also shouldn’t let our friend treat us poorly just because she gets treated poorly. If she isn’t there for you when you need her, or she forgets plans you made, or she hasn’t called you in ages because she is so wrapped up  in the soap opera that is her love life, then she isn’t being a good friend to you. You have to call her out on it. Nicely. In a calm way that doesn’t immediately put her on the defense. And she might hate you. And she might not want to be friends anymore, and she might turn the entire thing around on you and make it all your fault. She might do those things and that sucks. Actually, she probably will do all those things and again, that sucks.

I also think it’s important to (delicately) let her know how you feel because she is an adult and no matter how much we want to blame him for who she has become, it wouldn’t be fair because she has always had a choice. She chose to let him treat her that way, and she chose to wait around for him to change and while they may be poor choices, we can’t ignore the fact that they were choices nonetheless. It’s his fault he is a douche but it’s her fault for letting a douche in her life. It’s not an accusation or condemnation (seriously, we have all made bad choices before) it’s just an acknowledgment. She needs to acknowledge her boyfriends (or hopefully ex-boyfriends) douchebaggery and she needs to acknowledge that she tolerated that douchebaggery.

And maybe this is all terrible advice but I just couldn’t/can’t not say something when I see this happening to a friend. Realize, please, that if you take this advice there is a chance that she may hate you for a while or forever. Don’t say anything if you don’t want to take that chance- but it’s going to be hard not to say anything. This is a very precarious place to be in a friendship and what happens next will show you how close you truly are. I just have to say something, I tell my friends who are asking my advice on this to say something, but I don’t know if that’s the perfect answer for you and your friend. You know, you know what’s right for you and your friendship. I just wrote about this today because it seems to be a very prevalent topic of conversation amongst my friends and I these days. The moral of this post is if your friend is in a relationship with a douche then tell her that, nicely and also maybe don’t say douche (even though he is one).