This thought was specifically requested by my Aunt J – who is not only one of my favorite people on Earth, but is also the woman who officiated our wedding which means she brokered God’s blessing for us and basically I’m pretty sure I can’t deny her anything without risking eternal damnation or dissolution of my marriage. To be honest, I’m a little murky on the details.
Long story longer, my Aunt J requested my thought on Moms who cry when their adult children have their hearts broken – not just because they are sad for their kids, but because they really liked the boyfriend/girlfriend. She is asking for a friend I’m sure.
I am 100% not qualified to have a thought on this particular situation. However, that has never stopped me before. Here is what I suggest any person in this situation do. All of these things will comfort
me you and make you feel better drunk.
1. Wine slushies.
2. Harry Potter marathon.
3. Eating your feelings (I recommend Whataburger, but that’s just me)
4. Wine slushies.
5. Performing entire musical scores by yourself.
6. Drive down an isolated road and scream your guts out in the car. (Also, great practice for when you might be in that horror movie someday)
8. Gin. (The game or the booze, your choice)
9. Watching literally any Lifetime movie. (This will put the fact that your life is less murder-y into perspective)
10. Focus all your efforts on getting Grammy to say “penis”.
I had like 10 more, but then I realized they were all pretty much hard liquor centered. And I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to make those kind of suggestions to my Aunt J . And by “inappropriate”, I mean I don’t want her to get drunk unless I’m there with my laptop so I can document every second of it. For research. For my book. Of which I would happily share a small but not insignificant percentage. (Probably it would be insignificant actually, she once stole a Chili’s giftcard from me in White Elephant at Christmas and I feel the pain of that loss every time someone says “baby back ribs”, which is more often than you would think).
I hope this made you laugh Aunt J. If it didn’t….drink a wine slushie and then read it again, it totally will then. Maybe drink two.