My Phone Is Trolling Me

The other day, I kept trying to text “run” and my auto-correct kept changing it to “rum”. Which, at first I thought was hilarious because I was like “My phone knows me so well! I never run but I am all about that rum!” But then I thought, “Wait a minute – is my phone trolling me? Is it trying to tell me that I don’t exercise enough and that it can’t even conceive of a situation where I would intend to write “run” instead of “rum”?”

You know what phone? Maybe you forgot that I also have a fitness app on you – that I regularly use.  If you paid attention, you would know that I *do* work out. I do. A lot. Maybe you don’t think Pilates is equal to running but some of us have a bad knee because we were in a terrible car accident so its painful to run. How about that phone? You look like a real b-hole now.

 

Kids Are Smart

Last night, Captain Thoughtful and I took a long walk because it has come to my attention that “Drinking a lot of red wine, but doing nothing else, will not prevent heart disease.” Whatever doc, just because you went to medical school doesn’t mean you get to tell my heart how to be healthy. The heart wants what it wants – which, in my case is red wine.  Anyway, we’re on this walk and a Dad and his son are sitting on their front porch. The Dad says “Why don’t you say hi son?” and his son, this brilliant possibly psychic kid says “No. They’re weird.”

He’s not wrong folks.

Something That Matters

Two amazing women I know are conducting research on miscarriage and they way that husbands and wives communicate after that loss. I think this research is crazy important and finding ways to support people dealing with miscarriage is something that is near and dear to my heart. This is something that matters.

As part of the data collection, they are conducting a survey and those details are below. If this applies to you, please consider taking the time to complete it. There is an Amazon gift card at the end of it for you and the knowledge that you’re contributing to something that could help other couples dealing with miscarriage.

Drs. Haley Horstman (University of Missouri) and Amanda Holman (University of Nebraska-Lincoln) are conducting a survey study on the ways couples communicate about miscarriage. If a) you and your spouse has experienced a miscarriage (with your current spouse) within the last ten years, b) you are at least 18 years old and c) are in a heterosexual, married relationship, and d) your spouse is also willing to participate, consider completing our online survey. It will take about 40 minutes, and each couple can receive a $20 Amazon gift card for their time.

Survey link: http://goo.gl/loKrn9, or contact with any questions.

I Can Not Be Reasoned With.

Today, a story came across my news feed about how vitamins basically don’t do for you what you think they will and only give you very expensive pee.

And that news story reminded me I needed to take my vitamin.

I can’t be reasoned with.

And for the record vitamin naysayers, I like how neon yellow my pee is when I take my vitamins. It’s like peeing sunshine.

Sick Sicky Sickyer

I’m sick. I might be wrong but I’m about 80% sure it’s the plague. The thing in my head that does my thinking is very mad at me and won’t let me do any of that thinking. What a jerk. So, since I can’t seem to form coherent thoughts that don’t have something to do with NyQuil I thought I would post a list of movies I like to watch when I’m sick that I’m pretty sure do as much as the medicine does to heal me.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This one is especially important to me now that I have the plague.

Alice in Wonderland. The Disney version. The copious amounts of medication make it even better.

Tammy and the Doctor. Oh, Sandra Dee. You make life seem so dreamy.

Gigi. Singing+French+Coming of Age story= help sick people heal.

The Lion King. The circle of life helps me accept my impending death by plague.

If you are sick, these movies will help you through it. Probably. When I say that I am making some assumptions about your taste in movies. Anyway, if I don’t post tomorrow it probably means the plague won. If that happens please tell everyone my last words were “So long, world. It was nice while it lasted, except when it wasn’t. You could be a real jerk sometimes. But overall I would say we had a pretty good run.” (Note: my real last words will probably be more like “Seriously? The plague?”)

What I’ve Given Up -or- Happy Lent!

So, it’s Ash Wednesday and therefore the first day of my 40 day period of self-denial. This year I am focusing on the things that I indulge in that are bad for me. Soda, Chips, and Perez Hilton.

Originally I was just going to go without soda and Perez Hilton but my Dad pointed out to me that he thinks I eat chips too often- so there you go. Lately, I have to admit I have  been eating incredibly poorly and drinking several diet cokes a day. I don’t know why that has been the case but it has and so I’m putting a stop to it. Lent provides the perfect way to do that.

Perez Hilton. I check his website many times a day, craving that latest bit of celebrity gossip. I am so ashamed! What does this contribute to my life? What do I gain from this? The answer to both questions is nothing. I could be doing so many other more productive things. Also, he is pretty mean to some of these celebritites- harsh and judgmental and unforgiving. Why add that negativity to my day? Honestly, I’m not sure how I got started on reading his site but it’s over now. Not only am I giving this up for Lent, I am giving it up for good.

So, all this makes me think about self-denial and how something that sounds so bleak can actually be something incredibly joyous. How in denying myself I am actually making myself a healthier and happier person. Also, that next time maybe I shouldn’t wait for Lent to cut out the toxins in my life.