Whenever you hear the song “if you’re happy and you know it…” you should always clap your hands. If you weren’t happy then clapping will make you happy. Or get out a little aggression depending on how hard you clap. Either way- it’s a win.
If you are anywhere near funnel cakes, stop and buy one. They are delicious and will make you feel like a child again.
Shave your head. Boy, girl, it doesn’t matter. Liberate yourself from your hair. I mean, I totally won’t do this because I have a lumpy head so I can’t. You understand. But you should totally shave your head. In fact, you should feel sorry for me that I can’t shave my head because you get a bigger share of liberation than I do.
Write a blog. It makes you feel really good. Except when for no reason whatsoever nobody visits your site and then you feel really bad about yourself and your writing. But then the next day lots of people visit and your faith in yourself is restored. Really, it’s like a roller-coaster.
Pretend things. Don’t lie to people because I heard that if you are a liar, liar, then your pants catch on fire. So you definitely don’t want to lie. But sometimes, when you are alone pretend something. I like to pretend that my blog is so clever and funny that one day BBC radio 1 contacts me and begs me to move to London so I can have a weekly radio show and then I do and everybody loves my radio show and happiness ensues. This pretend is just a warm-up to the really big pretending but I can’t tell you about those pretends because I don’t want you to steal my imagination.
Dance a lot. Like a whole lot. To whatever kind of music you want. Even if you’re just sort of jumping around it will make you feel really good. Also, it’s great exercise. My advice is really good for your health.
Use post-its. They are one of the best inventions ever created. They come in lots of colors and keep you organized. I love post-its. If I’m having a really bad day I will write myself a note on a post-it and it’s like getting a kiss from a neon colored angel. Just like that.
Laugh at people you don’t like. Probably not to their faces because then you might start an “altercation” but when they aren’t around totally laugh at them. Instead of dwelling on how angry/frustrated/annoyed/fill-in-the-blank-emotion they made you, just laugh at them. It’s like in Harry Potter when boggarts turn into something you are afraid of and then the way you defeat them is to turn them into something funny and laugh at them. Laughter is how you defeat your enemies too. Pretty much all life lessons come from Harry Potter.
There will be much much more advice. Feel free to ask me any lingering questions about life you may have- I am super good at answering them. I can only make your life better. I will make your life better. Repeat after me, “Be A Lifehacker makes my life better.”
So to end- ” If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!” (You better be clapping).