Posted in Friends, Humor, Life, Struggles, tagged car accident, disappointment, friends, Humor, Life, sad, Struggles on February 15, 2011 | 34 Comments »
Some of you might have noticed that I disappeared last week. On Friday February 4, I was in a very bad car accident. I won’t go into the details but I would like to send a mental hug to the creators of the modern day seat-belt (Roger W. Griswold and Hugh De Haven) as well as the creators of the airbag (initially John W. Hetrick and then modernized by Allen K. Breed). So, I wasn’t here last week because I was recovering from my injuries- aka laying in bed somehow comatose and somehow high on pain meds. I’m going to be on crutches for a while. I’ve decided to name each of my crutches- the left one I call Franklin and the right one I call Brewster. I like first names that are last names.
Anyway- one of the results of this accident is that I have to postpone some very exciting changes I was planning for my life. And that’s disappointing. And my beloved car Germain was totaled. And that was really sad because I have loved that car unceasingly since it was presented to me when I turned 18 and we have been through a lot together. I feel like I lost a friend. There was just a lot of disappointment resulting from this accident. And it wasn’t anyone’s fault (unless you can blame Mother Nature and her icy blitzkrieg on the city of Austin) so I don’t have the satisfaction of being really mad at anyone. I just have to let go of the let down. So, that’s what I’m trying to do. And it’s gotten me thinking about other let downs in life that may seem less serious but are nonetheless disappointing and how I let them go.
When friends bail- I actually have assigned my friends bail-out percentages which is the percentage of likelihood that they will bail-out on our plans. It helps cushion the disappointment when they do bail on you.
When someone you have a crush on doesn’t have a crush on you- This is an easy one for me. I just keep my feelings to myself (i.e. Flirtation Failure) and then it’s just a matter of pretending to myself I never liked them anyway. It might be crazy. It might be unhealthy. But it works.
When the left-overs you’ve been looking forward to eating all day are gone when you get home- This is a tough one. When it happens to me, it’s difficult not to lash out at whomever ate my left-overs (just ask my sister). BUT- I now employ yoga breathing to calm down and then promptly begin trying to convince my stomach that it really wanted a grilled cheese anyway. The grilled cheese always tastes a bit like lost hope but it fills the belly.
When that new haircut just doesn’t look quite right- Headbands and bobby pins are lifesavers. And there is hope in knowing it will eventually grow out.
When you want to eat Mexican but everyone else you’re with wants Chinese- Hey, Chinese food is also delicious. This one is easily shrugged off. Besides, you can always eat Mexican food tomorrow.
When you really wanted that promotion and it went to someone else- This one hurts, I’m not going to lie. I like to curb my disappointment by making up hexes in my head and directing them at the person who got the promotion. Unless they are like, a really good person. Then I just eat my feelings. Mmmm, emotional binge eating, the food tastes so good when it mixes with my tears…..
Unfortunately, none of these methods are very helpful in letting go my present let down so I’ve had to create a new method. It’s called “one day at a time” and basically it means I’m just going to deal with all of this one day at a time and hopefully I will get back to a place where I can plan big exciting future things. Fingers crossed.
How do you let go your let downs?
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The Freshly Pressed Roller-Coaster or Irony Sucks
Posted in Blogging, Realizations, tagged blogging, freshly pressed, funny, Humor, Realizations, roller-coaster, Struggles, wordpress, writing on August 19, 2010 | 39 Comments »
It's just like this- only faster
Exactly one week ago today, I was Freshly Pressed. I was truly astonished. Completely taken off guard. And above all overjoyed. I felt giddy all day long, I couldn’t believe the number of visits I was getting and I really couldn’t believe the amount of comments. It was a true blogging high.
But with every high comes a low. Not really that low of a low but a low nonetheless ( I mean like it’s lower than the high but not by that much). It was hard to watch my stats fall the next day and the next and the next. And even though my blog is still receiving more views than ever before (and trust me I am thankful for every one of them) I am feeling a lot of pressure (self-imposed) to continue writing Freshly Pressed worthy posts. And that is hard. And you have to wonder, does WordPress hate my blog? Because it seems like WordPress should know about all the pressure that comes with being Freshly Pressed. And maybe they put on you Freshly Pressed to totally burn you out so they never have to see your blog that they hate again. And then I have to wonder, am I being neurotic and ridiculous? And the answer to that is yes.
The thing about the Freshly Pressed roller-coaster is that it is really fast but it is also like the best roller-coaster ever (because you really avoid that stomach in your throat feeling). So you want to ride it again. And again. But it isn’t up to you- just because you like the roller-coaster doesn’t mean you get to ride it again. You have to earn it. But it’s hard to predict what will earn it and what won’t. So I guess the moral to this story is that being Freshly Pressed is brilliant but you will want more and more of that brilliance and you could really screw yourself up working to get more of it. So don’t screw yourself up. Keep cool, write what you write, and do you to the fullest (I heard a really douchey guy say that once but I can’t help but repeat it in this instance, forgive me). Also, this is all advice I’m giving myself (because if I write it and then look at it later it will be like someone else is telling me and then maybe I will take the advice.) but I hope it helps other people too (because I’m really generous and well-meaning).
And now I’m realizing that this post isn’t very funny and funny is what got me on Freshly Pressed. So it’s like I’m writing a post about trying to maintain a certain standard and that post is actually below the standards I’m writing about. Balls. Irony sucks.
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There are separate bathrooms for a reason. Like this one.
Imagine my surprise when I walked into the Women’s bathroom at my office and found myself facing a man. I froze. Usually, I’m not lost for words but this one had me befuddled. My first reaction was embarrassment for walking into a Men’s restroom. That would be so like me. My second reaction was indignation because I knew I hadn’t walked into a Men’s restroom- I was definitely in the Women’s- and how dare this guy make me feel embarrassed about walking into my own genders restroom. I mean, I really loathed him for a moment. My third reaction was like, uh, now what happens? Do I tell him he is in the wrong place? Do I just turn around and leave? What is happening here??!!!
We stared at each other like each of us was seeing an alien. It was seriously awkward and surreal. Finally, he says “I’m just checking the toilets.” and then he walked out of the restroom while I was still standing in the exact same position with my mouth wide open and my hand somehow pointing toward the door as if to say “One of us should be walking out of that door but I’m not sure which…” Then, I just started giggling like a little girl and went about my business.
I accepted his “checking the toilets” excuse at face value at first but then all the facts of this mystery started coming together. 1. He was a Man in a Women’s restroom.
2. He was not wearing a uniform of any type.
3. He was dressed business professionally.
So now I’m thinking that there is no way that guy was “checking the toilets”. I mean, why would you wear slacks and a button-down shirt to check a toilet? I don’t think you would. Even if you took your toilet-checking job very seriously I still don’t think you would dress that nice. I mean, what if the toilet didn’t work and then it exploded all over your nice clothes? It seems like an awful waste of a button-down. So, the only conclusion I can come to is that Mr. Man was in the wrong bathroom. Maybe it was an accident. Or maybe it was something more sinister, like he was installing cameras for a yucky fetish website or he was like personally trying to spy on Women using the potty, or maybe he finds the sound of Women urinating comforting. I don’t know. No matter what, I really can’t support his reasons. The whole incident made me very uncomfortable. I would like to be really progressive and say that Men and Women using the same restrooms is no big deal but I just can’t go there. I like having separate bathrooms. I’m sorry Mr. Man, I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings, it’s just this experience was very unsettling for me and I don’t want to repeat it.
Also, the stall he was walking out of when I walked in was the very first stall, which happens to be the stall I typically use. Never again. I will never ever use that stall again. I just can’t. Thanks a lot dude.
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Posted in Life, Struggles, tagged ACL, Austin City Limits, Entertainment, hurt, Kings of Leon, Life, M.I.A., muse, music, pain, Struggles, tears, Yeah Yeah Yeahs on August 2, 2010 | 3 Comments »
Austin City Limits is one of my absolute favorite things. Every fall a ton of gifted musical acts gather to perform for three days in Austin, Texas. It is magical. This is something I have been attending for years. It has all of the talent of SXSW without the pretension and annoying people walking down the middle of Congress acting like they don’t know there is a line of 100 cars waiting for them to move so they can continue driving. Anyway….I really love ACL.
I have done something terrible though. Something that ACL will never forgive me for. I’m not sure what it was but it had to have been really really bad. How do I know I did something really really bad? Because Austin City Limits has loved making my musical life unbearably difficult for the past several years by scheduling at least two of my favorite acts at the same time. They are obviously trying to get back at me for something. They want to hurt me. They are succeeding.
This year it’s M.I.A. and Muse on Saturday night. Same time. It hurts to write it. I have loved both of these acts for years. When I saw the line-up for this year and bought tickets I never thought I would have to choose between them. How can I? I’m so sorry for whatever I did ACL. I really am. Please, please forgive me. I am literally down-on-my-knees begging you to reschedule. I need to see them both. I might die if I have to choose. I absolutely will die if I have to choose. I mean, whatever I did to deserve this can’t have been so bad that you would wish for my death. Right? Right!?
Last year I had to choose between the Kings of Leon and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And it really hurt me. Hurt me deep. I went with Kings of Leon and they were brilliant. Beyond amazing but I will always feel a little bit sad that I haven’t seen the Yeah Yeah Yeahs live. I mean, they probably had an amazing set at ACL. I don’t know. I will never know. And even if I see them live somewhere else, I will never have seen them live at ACL. You can probably hear the violins playing in the background of this post- and also the thunder-like sound of my heart breaking. You like that kind of music ACL? How about tears? You like the sound of those? Because I am planning on calling you and leaving you lots of messages that are comprised of nothing more than my ugly sobbing. I am your psycho ex-girlfriend ACL. The more you hurt me, the more I stalk you and send you dead roses and maybe set fire to your house- I don’t know- it all depends on how bad you continue to try and hurt me. I can’t be held responsible for my actions. This is on you ACL. And no jury would convict me. Probably.
I digress. What I mean to say is I am so sorry. I am so very, truly, deeply, sorry for whatever I did that made you want to hurt me this way. I will literally do anything for you to reschedule Saturday performances, please don’t make me choose between M.I.A. and Muse. Please. Pretty please. Remember all the good times we’ve had over the years? Remember how faithful I have been in attending? That has to mean something to you. Think of all the good times ACL- think of the good times and reschedule.
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Posted in Life, Realizations, Struggles, tagged blogging, Dory, Finding Nemo, Humor, Killer Whales, Life, Life Theory, Mermaids, Realizations, Sainthood, Sharks, Singing, Songs, Struggles, Swimming on July 31, 2010 | 8 Comments »
I have a theory on life. It’s really brilliant. It’s called the Dory theory. It goes a little something like this- “just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming…”
If you didn’t get the Finding Nemo reference then I don’t know why you are reading my blog. You probably don’t belong here if you haven’t seen that movie. Or maybe you do. Maybe you need my blog for that very reason. Who’s to say? Go ahead and keep reading.
In life, you just have to keep swimming. If you stop swimming you will die, like sharks. I don’t know how you you feel about it but I think dying like a shark is probably in the top 10 of worst ways to die. I mean, they can breathe under water and they still drown- and then they just float there and then killer whales eat them and then killer whales poop them out and then fish eat the killer whale shark poop and then those fish poop out the shark poop and plankton eat the shark fish poop. Dreadful. And sad. Poor sharks. I’m sorry to get so graphic but I really wanted to emphasize how important it is to keep swimming.
Maybe, if you are a mermaid this doesn’t seem like such a hard thing to do. Touche mermaid- you have a point. For those of us who aren’t mermaids (and I’m just guessing here but I think the majority of us aren’t mermaids) we have a harder time of it. I think what makes it so hard is that it doesn’t involve actual swimming- I mean it could if you were like shipwrecked and in the middle of the ocean because you would definitely need to be literally swimming in that scenario- but what I mean really is to keep going. Keep living even when it seems impossible and you are overwhelmed by everything. I guess my motto could be “just keep living” but that sounds lame and isn’t metaphorical and doesn’t have a song associated with it.
And sometimes things are really awful and you just want to stay in bed all day watching reality TV (which, let’s be honest makes everything worse) and eating ice cream. But you can’t do that. I mean sure, maybe if it’s like a weekend then it would be ok but on Monday you just have to start swimming again. Why? I don’t know because that’s life. Because I said so? Maybe. Not convinced? Yeah, I’m doing a pretty bad job of explaining it.
What I mean is that if you keep swimming- keep living as best you can- then things will get better. I promise (in a non-binding sort of way). That isn’t to say nothing bad will happen, I know bad things happen all the time and sometimes they happen to me but I just sing the just keep swimming song to myself and carry on. Because at the very least, when things suck, you at least get a song out of it. In fact, maybe I should change my motto to “just sing a song.” That works too.
Ok- so to recap, you should just keep swimming and sing songs. This may be the best life motto ever. And I’m giving it to you for free. Which I think makes me qualified for sainthood when I die.
Saint Be A Lifehacker.
Really this is Saint Dympna. Patron saint of the mentally ill, incest victims, and runaways. I may go to hell for this.
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