Missouri

The most thoughtful of Captains and I will be traveling to Missouri this weekend. I’ve never been and therefore, have no idea what to expect. I mean, I had a t-shirt in college that said “Put Me Out Of My Missouri” but that’s probably not a good indicator of what is in store for me this weekend.

So, obviously, my first mission in Missouri (as it’s my first mission anywhere) is to find a Taco Bell and see if they have Chili Cheese Burritos.

And then….what? I don’t know. Y’all tell me, what must I absolutely accomplish while in Missouri?

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

NEW ORLEANS EDITION Y’ALL!!!

So, the good Captain and I spent Labor Day weekend in New Orleans with our friends, The Spinsters, Professor McGregor, and the Yeti. And it was sheer delight y’all, sheer delight. New Orleans is one of my very favorite cities in the world and I practically run there every chance I get. (By practically run, I mean I get in the car and drive the speed limit)

FOOD

I have many MANY favorite places to eat in New Orleans. MANY. But, there are a few that I think of first.

Le Bayou. It’s on Bourbon Street and it has my absolute favorite version of shrimp and grits ever because their shrimp and grits also has friend green tomatoes. And I just drooled on myself…….also, they have chipotle smoked oysters that are the stuff happy dreams are made of.

Luke. Labor Day weekend was the first time I had been here but it will not be the last. Their drinks are very tasty and so is the food. ALTHOUGH- do not have more than one drink before your food arrives, it will make you…uh….wobbly.  Specifically a drink called the “Riverbend”. A friend asked me to tell you that. Also, the oysters were exceptionally fresh and the crab omelet exceptionally delicious.

American Sector. Same chef (John Besh) as Luke, so obviously he is my spirit chef. This restaurant is at the WWII Museum, which you absolutely MUST go to, and then you absolutely MUST eat at American Sector. Good everything. Really. Captain Thoughtful and I have eaten here like 10 times and never had a bad meal.

Cochon Butcher. Best sandwich of my life. OF MY LIFE. Get thee there as fast as you can.

FUN

Haunted History Ghost Tours. They fun, they’re informative, they stop at Lafitte’s Bar and you need to get a grape Voodoo and then things will get awesome. Also, during the day, go on one of their cemetery tours, they are also really really well done.

WWII Museum. Overwhelming. Powerful. Educational. Make sure you reserve a day to explore, it’s a very moving place to be and also make sure you talk to some of the WWII veterans who are always there- they have some incredible stories to share.

French Quarter. It’s so much more than Bourbon Street. There are some amazing antique shops, old book shops, art galleries, street vendors, basically all kinds of awesomeness.

 

This is just the tip of the favorite things iceberg y’all. Go to New Orleans.  Now. You’ll probably find me and Captain Thoughtful there.

Be A Lifehacker- In Cleveland

Ok, so I’m not in Cleveland right now, but I will be in Cleveland in July and I want to know the absolute best place to eat there. And also, because I’m not a good flyer, I would like to know the absolute best place to get a drink to calm my nerves there post-flight.

I know y’all won’t let me down.

Also, Cleveland, you’ve been warned. There are lifehacker hijinks headed your way!

Pet Peeve Day- Beach Edition

Palm Trees Beach

I love to vacation at the beach. I just wish other people didn’t because, let me tell you, some of them have atrocious beach behavior. So, while I absolutely adored my beach holiday, I also kept a list of pet peeves. It’s what I do.

1. Men who look nothing like David Beckham wearing speedos. Please listen closely guys- like, really closely. Are you listening? No. Just no. The answer is always no. No sir. No. Sir. (Unless you do look like David Beckham, then please, by all means, wear that speedo)

2. Stealing lounge chairs. If there is a towel and a beach bag on that chair then it does not belong to you. Even if no one is sitting in it (probably because they are swimming). That chair is not yours. Don’t take it. Stealing is wrong. I feel like we all should have learned this early on but apparently some people missed that day in life when you are told taking what isn’t yours is wrong. And against the law. You should be in jail.

3. Getting out of the pool or ocean and shaking water all over the place. Hey- I’m glad you had a nice refreshing swim. I certainly don’t want to deter you from swimming. But c’mon. If there are people around you and you shake like a wet dog then you are going to get those people wet- and you are going to get their things wet. You are a human, not a beast. Please use a towel. (Also, you got my book wet and messing with my books makes me incredibly angry. I hope you get stung by a jelly-fish)

4. Women over 60 in bikinis. Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. You should know better. Sure, you are in killer shape. Sure, your favorite plastic surgeon has made miracles of your varicose veins. But ladies, we can still tell you aren’t 30 anymore. Hell, we can still tell you aren’t 50 anymore. I’m thrilled that you are proud of yourself and your body. I’m just not sure why I have to see ALL of it. Think more Jackie O. and less Jenna Jameson please.

5. Wearing cologne to the beach. Um….why? You have to put an awful lot on to cover up the sunscreen smell- and the effect is very unpleasant. Also, aren’t you just going to wash it off in the ocean anyway? Or sweat it off in the sun? You should know, riding in the elevator with you was torture to my sensitive nose. And for what? What reason could you possibly have for wearing cologne on the beach? Just stop.

So, I had a lot more than 5 beach pet peeves but when I re-read the list they seemed sort of mean. And by sort of, I mean, I might end up spending eternity in hell for writing them. So, I edited myself. I think this is a sign I’m maturing. To congratulate myself for maturing I’m rewarding myself with ice cream and candy. Hmmm. Maybe not so mature. What do grown-ups reward themselves with? Banking accounts? Heroin?

I would love to hear some of your beach pet peeves! Or- I would love to hear your thoughts on whether or not grown-ups reward themselves with banking accounts or heroin.

Important Questions To Ask Before You Go On Vacation

I’m currently out of the country. At a beach. In fact, I am at one of the beaches mentioned in this video.

 

Anyway, before I left I made sure to answer each of the following questions in detail because if you don’t then terrible unspeakable things happen and your vacation becomes a nightmare of epic proportions. This is very important, please take it seriously. I am sharing these questions so that your future vacations don’t become so ghastly that they make a horror film out of the story.

1. Will this sparkly toe nail polish attract baracudas?

2. Are the locals known for poisoning visitors food?

3. What type of poisonous creatures are nearby that I need to look out for?

4. Are there any Princes/Princesses where I am traveling to?

5. Is there a war currently going on in my destination? (Note: This hasn’t stopped me before but I think it’s an important question nonetheless)

6. Is there a local dance that I might learn in a week or two?

7. Is there a possibility that the drink I order will come with an umbrella in it?

8. Is there any way that I will be put in a situation where I have to cut off my own arm?

9. What are my chances of meeting a celebrity there?

10. What books should I bring?

Trust me, these questions could literally save your life. (If anyone’s life gets saved by one of these questions please tell me, you owe me some money). Although, I should note that even though the answer to question 1 is “yes”, I am still totally rocking the sparkly toe-nail polish. Not all my toes are important, if I lose a few to barracudas because I am completely obsessed with sparkly toes, then so be it.

I Want To Go To There

Harry Potter Amusement Park.

Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta.

Whale Watching Baja Mexico.

Iceland.

Morocco.

I’m craving travel and adventure today ( side note- I’m also craving pizza). All of these places are next on my list of travel plans. I’m not sure when I’ll go, but you can be sure that when I do, I will be writing about it. The travel memoir is so my genre.

Posted in Declarations Tagged adventure cravings, albuquerque balloon fiesta, baja Mexico, harry potter amusement park, Iceland, Morocco, , travel memoir, whale watching